


Cutting Roses With A Pocket Knife

by Rexxxx



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Indulgent, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, idk if i actually have to tag this but i will anyway, keith kogane is not okay, klance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:55:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23239543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rexxxx/pseuds/Rexxxx
Summary: Keith is suffering; Lance does his best to help. Is it enough?edit: this fic is old but like the others, i'm keeping it up for posterity. for older me. i wrote this when i was feeling like real shit, hence the s/h and stuff. anyway i still appreciate kudos/comments so much so pls do that <3
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

Lance McClain sat next to the window in his university dorm watching the January rain. His face was pressed up against the cold, hard glass as he used his finger to trace a particularly large water droplet down to the window sill. _I'll always love the rain_ _…_ he thought, smiling serenely.

He jumped then, the buzz of his phone startling him out of his daydream. He fumbled with the thing as he picked it up, pressing the ‘accept call’ button, seeing it read ‘Keith Kogane’ on the screen.

“Hello?” he said.

(Into the void, apparently, as there was no response.)

“Keith? Hello?” he repeated after a couple of seconds, growing a little concerned but half-expecting it to be a misdial. He heard muttering on the other side but he couldn’t make it out (was that a car horn in the background?). Then something a bit clearer than that.

“Fuck—um, I-I’m s-sorry, this was so stupid. I never should’ve…” he trailed off into a whisper.

Wow. He’d never heard Keith this nervous since… well, he hadn’t heard him like this for a long time. Something must really be wrong. He’d seemed fine just that morning when he’d passed him on the way to class. Although, looking back now, he did seem a bit more edgy than usual, didn’t he?

“Is something wrong?” Lance finally decided to ask.

“Uh, k-kind of. I…” he took a deep breath, the mic on his phone crackling with it, “I w-wanted to um, to thank you for what you said, when you were comforting me the other day. I was being a shit, like always, haha… but you were there, and you actually cared when no one else did so thank you.” His voice was wavering and he sounded like he was holding back tears. “And there’s something else. It’s really important and I… need you to listen. Are you listening?”

“Of course I am.” Said Lance.

Lance. Was. Panicking. It was never good when Keith started talking like this. Thanking him? He never thanked anybody. He was subtle. When you’d known Keith Kogane as long as Lance had, you learned to pick up on his hints. You knew when he was grateful, and when he wanted you to listen. He never felt the need to put it into words. That was one of the many things Lance loved about him…

“Okay. Good. Um, nothing really matters anymore, so uh, I’m in love with you.”

Lance was, for once, speechless.

“Yeah. That’s about the reaction I expected.” Keith said after a few seconds, laughing dryly.

_Fuck._ Lance thought. _Come on, say something. Literally anything. God, why has talking always been so easy up until now?!_

“Well, that’s kind of all I wanted to say. Can’t really say anything after that without sounding even more… stupid… so, guess this is goodbye, Lance. For good this time. I love you.”

“No! Wait!” Beeeeeep.

“Fuck… FUCK!”

What did he mean, ‘goodbye’? Jesus, was he talking about… killing himself? Was that even something Keith would… wait. The car horn. The wind. There was definitely a lot of wind wherever Keith was, like at a beach, maybe. Or somewhere high like… like…

On a bridge.

Okay, shit. Well, there’s only really one bridge close to their university building that’s high enough to _kill someone_ , so…

Lance hopped up and in thirty seconds his shoes were on, keys in hand, sprinting out of the door while simultaneously trying to get his arm through the right sleeve of his jacket. He burst through the front door of the building, runners pounding the concrete, his heart beating in his throat.

Oh god oh god oh god. Keith has never done anything like this before. I mean, Lance wasn’t dense, okay? He’d seen that scar on Keith’s arm in middle school when his sleeve dropped down too far. And even recently his arms were bandaged up even though he tried to hide them.

It was a good thing he was in track in high school or there was no way he’d have made in in time to see Keith hoisting himself up onto the protective fencing, looking extremely motivated to jump.

In a moment, three things happened;

One. Lance, vision turning spotty from exertion and in a fit of desperation, screamed at the top of his lungs the first thing that came to mind, “KEITH! I LOVE YOU!”

Two. Keith’s head whipped around, making him lose his balance.

Three. Keith fell.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm never actually finishing this, so I thought I'd just give the basic idea of what I wanted to do with this.  
> This was my first fic I actually cared about, but it's... bad. Please read my other one, Using, even though that one's honestly just as self-indulgent and messy as this one. Idk, I do my best. And I'm planning on updating Using soon so watch out for that I guess.

PAST TENSE AND PRESENT TENSES ARE A MESS AND VERY HARD TO KEEP TRACK OF WHEN I DON'T REALLY CARE 

also i wanted to insert a reference to 'the view from halfway down' from bojack horseman but it just doesn't fit. anyway, i love that poem, pls check it out <3

For the second chapter, I wanted to have Keith wake up in a helicopter in a hypothermia wrap with a pounding migraine and several broken bones as a result of his fall. Of course it's not likely that anyone would've survived a fall like that, but Lance was there and he called an ambulance, but obviously wasn't allowed on the helicopter due to the sensitivity of Keith's condition, and the possibility of complicating things, and drawing the medic's focus away from Keith, which is where it needed to be. So he was informed of which hospital Keith would end up in, and took a bus there or something. He got there somehow. He would've ran if he had to, honestly. I mean, he'd done it already.

So Lance got to the hospital and... didn't really plan this far ahead. Since he wasn't family, and Keith's condition was terrible and was unconscious most of the time due to all of the meds and just the general exhaustion of what he'd been through, Lance wasn't allowed in. He gave up and looked around the waiting room, spotting Shiro (Keith's emergency contact) coming in through the door, looking very disheveled. He saw Lance just standing there, fidgeting and staring at him, and asked if he'd known what had happened. Shiro had gotten a very ominous phone call from Keith, followed by another one from the hospital saying Keith was at risk of death just half an hour later, and he'd immediately rushed to the hospital. 

Lance explains everything, and Shiro is looking very distressed, but not necessarily surprised. He'd suspected something was up, and was feeling guilty that he hadn't been there for his baby brother. They share some very strange moments where everything that happened sinks in, and Shiro asks if he can see Keith. He's allowed, since he's Keith's adoptive brother, but Lance isn't. Shiro apologises, knowing how close Lance and Keith are, but Lance waves his hand dismissively, saying he'll be fine, it just matters that Keith is ok, and asks Shiro to call him if he can, and gives him his number. 

"Please go, he needs you."

Lance goes... back to the bridge. Panicks a bit. Goes back to his dorm. Panicks some more. Doesn't sleep for a week, by which time Keith is somewhat alive (that's a joke, he's just super fucking tired and depressed), and also taking visitors. Lance figures out the visiting hours and goes immediately, but once he's there, staring at Keith's half-conscious form mumbling something to his brother in a soft, raspy voice he'd never heard come out of Keith's mouth before, he feels incredibly out of place. Like he shouldn't be there. He's intruding. He knows he is. But as he turns to leave, he hears a gasp, and turns around to find Keith's wide eyes staring into his, hand reaching out as if he was in any condition to get up and stop him leaving. 

Shiro looks between them and gets up.

"Lance. Stay. Please. You two need to talk." he pats Lance on the shoulder. "Keith needs you more than you think. Okay?"

Lance nods, not really knowing what the hell to say to that. He'd never been super close to Shiro but looked up to him, and didn't want to disappoint him, so he did as he was told and stayed.

Then it was just him and Keith.

Alone. In a hospital. After Keith had tried to kill himself just a week ago.

Okay.

Keith looks from Lance to the chair next to his bed where Shiro's figure lay warm and imprinted on the faux leather of the chair. It's obvious he wants Lance to sit down. So he does.

Keith's breathing is laboured, Lance realises now, something he didn't notice standing at the doorway. He had tubes going into his nose and bags under his eyes, a heavyness to his features that Lance felt guilty for not realising was really there the whole time, he just hadn't seen it. Or he didn't want to see it. Didn't want to think about it, preferring to stay on comfortable topics where he knew what to say, and was always talking way too much about himself in an attempt to fill the silences.

But now there was no ignoring it. He'd seen his best friend in the world hurl himself off of a bridge. There was no room for his insecurities in this hospital room.

"Lance." Keith whispered, speaking evidently very difficult for him.

"What."

"Stop staring at me like that."

"Like what."

Keith's face was very knowing, and his eyebrows pinched in the middle of his forehead.

"You know, Lance."

He did. But he couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry." whispered Lance.

"Not your fault." said Keith, a sense of determination in his cracking voice. "It was stupid, what I did. It was me, but I'd convinced myself nobody cared. I did it for myself, and I didn't stop to consider how much--" he stopped to cough, the action taking an incredible amount of energy out of him. But he continued, "How much you... cared. How broken up Shiro was." he swallowed. "I'm sorry I didn't take your feelings into account, Lance." he looked up at him through his messy, unwashed bangs.

That's not what Lance was expecting. He didn't know what he'd expected, but it wasn't an apology. He didn't deserve an apology, why was that happening? 

Keith is the least fragile person Lance knows. Seriously, that guy could tough through anything, so it's honestly no surprise that Keith survived this. But that didn't lessen the absolute, all-consuming panic he'd felt when he genuinely thought Keith was going to die. And there was nothing he could do. So there's something he needs to say now, before he can't anymore. He says as much.

"Yeah?"

Lance bites his lip, taking Keith's hand in his own. Keith looks between his own pale hand and Lance's face, eyebrows raising when Lance looks straight into his eyes again.

"I love you. I always have, and I always will, and I will never stop caring about you." he dropped his forehead to rest onto their hands, "Also please never do that again, I don't know what I'd do without you."

**point form from here on out**

\- teary eyed confessions ensue

\- they OBVIOUSLy don't have an established relationship by the end, i mean ya bois just went through some traumatic shit, they'll take what they can fuckin get and all they know right now is that they love each other VERY MUCH and would absolutely do anything for each other and they're both big dumb idiots

\- lance spends the next WHILE texting and visiting keith and he brings nail polish some days, a guitar when he knows they're both feeling emotional and keith doesn't want to talk much, so Lance just plays for him. he brings books to read to give something for keith to look forward to, and when lance is tired from exams and shit, they listen to podcasts together (i'm just gonna say magnus archives because i just listened to thirty episodes in one day) or watch downloaded stuff on lance's laptop, and when keith is feeling a bit better, lance lays down on the bed with him and runs his hands through keith's hair. 

-they cry together a lot. A LOT. they're both weird about showing emotions in front of people, but they get used to just having days where, in a way, that's all they do. they just lay themselves bare and sink into the emotions and hold each other, sometimes music playing in the background, sometimes not. they're always left alone together on these days. shiro visits too, obviously, but he knows how much time together lance and keith have missed, so he makes a habit of leaving soon after lance arrives.

idk what happens after keith gets out of the hospital, i just wanted to write something angsty and fluffy and i was feeling REAL BAD when i wrote the first chapter, so yeah. hope u enjoy this absolute mess of thoughts. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was going to be a long chaptered fic, but I'm not an experienced writer by any means so I turned it into this. Ambition is good, but I lack the motivation. So it's short. I don't honestly know how much of this there will be, but I have another chapter planned, so at the very least there'll be two.  
> This is self-indulgent as all hell (which will be the theme of all of my fics) so maybe the writing isn't that great! but! at least I had fun! hah ok bye


End file.
